Hiya, it's Lilly here! Welcome back to Eckheart! Gosh, I feel so nostalgic saying those words again. It's been quite a few months since my last blog post (😅) and that is fully on me. 2023 has taken not just someone special from me but a lot of my freedom too. Every day, I do my best to keep my spirits up and as of now, I'm relying on 'x listener' podcasts on spotify (Don't judge! Some are really cute and make my lifeless, raisin heart start beating again!). I've created countless blog drafts for these months but I haven't found the energy or motivation to publish them.
However, today is different! This time, I thought I could help one of you bring a smile to your face, even if it's not in reality. If you ever need it, I'm always open to hear your story or be a helpful ear in your time of need, especially when you need to vent something out. And don't worry if you think what makes you sad is stupid! Please, I literally sobbed for over 30 minutes over literal spilled milk and wrote a heart-breaking diary entry about it! It might seem selfish, but knowing that I was able to help someone in their time of need is enough to give me the motivation to look forward to another day.
For this specific story, I decided to go with a male character as I've literally barely used the masculine gender and my blog is missing some of that ✨🌈Rainbow🌈✨. This might not be your comfort character but I hope it's still someone who can calm you when you need it.
I know how hard it is to keep a smile on your face when sometimes, all we want to do is cry. We stars need to stick together to keep our dark night bright enough for others, right?
You rushed to lock yourself in your room, the tears welling up in your soul right after you heard the door shut. You were glad you could keep your misery hidden once more, but at the same time, there was a selfish part of you that was begging to be found.
I don't know how much longer I can keep this together, You thought, the others were starting to notice. . .
"Y/N?", a familiar voice was muffled against the locked wooden door, "Are you in there?".
"Ye-", You covered your mouth. You were too far into crying to act as if you weren't. He would be able to hear your voice crack if you dared speak.
"Hey, if you want to talk about it, I'm here", he spoke confidently, as if he was almost sure he could make you happy.
You faked a snore to act as if you were merely sleeping. The shuffling on the other side of the door finally stopped. However, Elias had already barged into your room, one hand holding a comfy blanket and the other holding a box of tissues.
You looked shocked, diving into your sheets a second too late.
"Hey", he sat next to you on your bed, laying the box of tissues on the side table and placing the blanket in his lap, "Don't think you fooled me with that pathetic snore. The Y/N I know is louder".
You stayed quiet.
Elias looked at the stars, saying, “I'm sorry, I barged into here without your permission. Your tone just sounded like you needed someone to talk to. Don't forget I'm here, okay? I don't know what you're going through or how you're feeling, and you shouldn't feel obliged to tell me either. I'm just here to help you wherever I can, that's what boyfriends are here for, right?", he gave a small smile.
You didn't know how to react. Your greatest nightmare and brightest dream were happening at the same time. Too tired to think of a way to respond, you simply poked your head from under the sheets more and stared directly at the comfy blanket Elias brought.
"Pfft-", Elias coughed to hide his laugh, "Sorry, it's just that- Anyways! If you want that blanket, I'll put it on you. Look, it has your favourite food drawn all over it”, he rambled as he placed the blanket over you.
You sniffled and he passed a tissue box.
“No, it’s okay, I’m not crying anymore-”, You refused.
“Why stop?”, He cut in. His eyes sparkled with concern and determination, “I’m your boyfriend. I’m meant to be yours. That means that you don’t have to raise your guard with me. Cry, scream, curse, whatever. Even if you hurt me, I won’t leave you. No matter what, I won’t stop loving you”.
Your breath hitched as Elias’ presence was soon accepted by the darkness around. It wasn’t scared of him anymore. The words, the people, the memories. The monsters.
“They’re here”, You panicked. Each gasp followed the beat of your heart. Everything tore at you, the anger, pain and grief. You could feel the burning tears setting your eyes ablaze, tinting them red.
Everything flashed, you saw the memories repeat, the words in your head full of spite spitting insults at you.
‘You’re better than this!’
‘Why are you so weak?’
‘Stop crying.’
‘No one cares.’
‘You’re overreacting’
‘If you continue to act like this, there will be consequences.’
‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘Things are not the same anymore Y/N . . . we can’t act like nothing’s changed.’
“They might be here”, Elias cut in, “But so am I. I don’t know what you’re thinking but I can see this pain is forcing you to listen to whatever its bastard mouth is trying to say. I’m no therapist but I’ll do what I can to help and I’ll start by telling you how extraordinary you are”.
You paused, worried. I never meant to drag anyone into this, especially not Elias.
“I can handle this. I’m strong enough”, you brushed his arms off you.
“I know you are”, he hugged you tighter with the blanket.
“I can take care of myself”
“You have. You still do. You always will. I’ve just joined in too. Now we take care of each other”, he whispered softly into your ear.
You searched for something to say, “B-but I’ll be a burden!”
The monsters in your mind fought against his sweet words.
“You’re not”, he kissed the lobe of your ear, “A burden is something you’re forced to carry against your will. But I willingly chose to be a part of your life. You’re not a burden to me”.
“But you’re too weak!”, You yelled, tears streaming down your eyes, “Everything I’ve been through, everything I’ve done-! You’ll get hurt! It’ll only weigh you down when you deserve so much more! Don’t bother carrying dead weight like me!”.
He placed a palm on your heart and felt it thump against your ribcage. It stayed like that for a few seconds. He kissed a tear away.
“Do you hear that, Y/N?”, He asked, a soft, happy smile on his lips.
You stopped, your eyes widening as tears ran through your face like a river. They no longer sting. In your mind, Elias made it okay for them to be there.
“That’s your heartbeat, Y/N. You’re alive”, he teared up, “And even if you weren’t, I would still love you. Even if I’m not strong enough now, I’ll try harder and harder until you accept me as your hero. You’ve been a heroine to everyone else, Y/N. Let me protect you this time”.
“Protect me?”, You whispered as he pulled me into a hug. You clenched my eyelids shut.
“Yes. You deserve to be loved without hiding the parts of yourself you think are unlovable. You’re strong, intelligent, brave, gorgeous, kind and so much more. You deserve to be alive just as much as anyone. And if today, all you did was hold yourself together . . .
I’m proud of you”.
You stared into his eyes, looking for someone that would prove others. However, you noticed nothing but sincerity. You denied what he said even if you yearned for it.
“But I have done nothing. These past few days I’ve just been . . . living. I haven’t accomplished anything. I’ve made no progress. I’ve done nothing”.
“Today, you got up and out of bed. You ate something, even if it’s just a little. You took a shower and mumbled a cute song to yourself. Today, you decided to live another day. To you, that might not mean much, but to me, it means everything. It means I could hold you for the next 24 hours, kiss you and call you mine. I’m sorry, I wish I was there when you cried so that I could feel your pain and hug and tell you were always loved”.
You slowly extracted myself from his hug. You looked around your room. There were no monsters anymore. At least not for now. The nightlight Elias brought in must’ve scared away the darkness.
“Are they gone?”, he smiled.
“Uh, I think so”, You stumbled on my thoughts.
“I’m glad. I didn’t want to share you any longer”, he smirked.
Your face flushed, “I don’t want to shared anyways”.
He swooped you up in his arms and kissed you, “If that’s what you want. Then I’ll sleep with you every night and whisper sweet nothings until the only one speaking to you at night is me”.
“You’ll probably have to whisper until you lose your voice”, You smirked.
“I don’t lose anything when I’m with you. I’ll write poems of my love for you in candlelight. They’ll be studied by high schoolers in the 30th century”, he said sappily.
“They’ll come to hate you, you know”, You laughed.
His soft, supple lips came into contact with yours again, “Who cares? I just need this”.
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It seems we've come to an end. I usually dread the moments when my x listener podcasts finish. But your comfort sure as heck doesn't have to end here! If you're ever scared or worried or sad, I want this to be a safe place for you to let out your emotions. If things have gotten more serious for you, please don't hesitate to call help services. You're wellbeing is the most important thing and if you feel like you can't handle it any more, please find people that can help you. And, if worse comes to worst, then I just want you to know that I'll love you too if you ever need it.
（づ￣3￣）づ╭❤️～
- Lot's of Love,
Lilliana <3❤️